All in the Mix
by AuriiAfflicted-AtheismAddicted
Summary: Writeen with Ujinai..When there's only three, a pervert, a drunkard, and a gangster, what happens when you throw one teenaged boy into the mix?WARNING: Yaoi. Boy Love. What ever you want to call it.RATED FOR LANGUAGE AND POSSIBLE ABUSE OF ALCOHOL.
1. A warning from Hidan

Notes with a warning from Hidan::  
Alternate Universe.  
Modern Times.  
Mature. purr

No one is the same in this fic. They may look the same,but trust me...

Hidan: Suddenly tricked into believing he's "gangster". He talks the talk,but can he walk the walk? Without getting his new shoes dirty? xD

Sakura: Recently gone through a 'crash-and-burn' with the Uchiha brat,she now drowns her sorrows in liquor.

Orochimaru: The little pervert is the same as ever...it would see.

Kaketsu: The boy obviously had feelings for the Sannin.  
Deidara: Where does the blonde fit in here?

**WARNING:  
I'm tellin' you right now...**

**'Derez Yaoi.**

Dat means gay ninjas is gon' be kissin'. If dat disturbs you,you best juss' leave.

-Hidan.

PS. 'Derez sexual sit-chew-a-tea-owns as well. Rated em fo' mature. Straight up,yo.

**PPS: Ren owns nothin'. Not even Naruto. Yo'.  
Kaketsu is copyrighted is copyrighted to her homie,Ana.**

**'Nuff said.**


	2. He tastes like mint

The pale,raven-haired man must have looked extremely ridiculous running down the street in nothing but a towel around his waist and water flying off his body. To make things stranger,the pink-haired kunoichi,Sakura,was flung over his shoulder,drunk as hell. People would definitely wonder.

It's not like Orochimaru wanted anything to do with the girl. Other then to protect her,that is,from a certain,immortal,white-haired menace,whom earlier,convinced Sakura to try "vodka jello shots",which had more then JUST vodka in it,mind you. The two arrived at the house every-single-person lived in practically whilst Orochimaru was watching TV.

At first,he was not suspicious,considering Hidan came home all the time with drunken women and indulged himself with the pleasures of the flesh.

But,this wasn't just any girl,he'd realized while he was showering. It was SAKURA. Poor,innocent Sakura. Recently went through a "crash-and-burn" with the Uchiha brat and now indulged herself in bottles of alcohol.

Not the strong kind,like Hidan gave her. Just...the "whimpy" kind.

And,when he realized this,it was almost too late. Orochimaru quickly threw open the shower curtain and burst into Hidan's room,fully nude. "No threesomes tonight,nicka." Hidan laughed brutally as he tossed Sakura onto the bed. "Kikiki...What...huh?" Sakura managed to mumble,not even able to form complete sentances in her state.

In a flash,Orochimaru threw the man to the ground,flung the drunkard over his shoulder and ran as fast as he could to Kaketsu's house,which had awesome home security. Or so he was told.

Without even knocking or giving the slightest hint he was present,the amber-eyed Sannin kicked down the door. "KAKETSU!" he shouted,running into his room,throwing Sakura into the bed and locking the door.

"You gotta hide me." He panted,just as his towel slid off his waist.

Kaketsu jumped in surprise. Orochimaru was right there. Naked. In his room. It was as if the man was just asking for it. Accdientally, of course.

"Usually I would be thrilled," Kaketsu said, shutting his eyes and sighing, "but there's a drunken woman in my room, and..." His voice trailed off at his own admittance. He didn't know his feelings for his friend, and so suddenly admitting to something so surprising frightened him. 'Course, it was too late.

Orochimaru looked at Kaketsu and back at himself. "Shit!" Orochimaru swore loudly as he grabbed the towel and pulled it back up. "That's the point." he said,thickly,"You need to hide Sakura and I from Hidan. You see,he's awefully pissed that I took her away at the last moment..." he trailed off nodding at Sakura.

"What about Hidann?" she slurred,trying to lift herself off the bed and into a sitting position.

Kaketsu smiled coldly, approaching Sakura and aiming a blow at her, forcing out just enough power to knock her out. Hopefully, though, she would be too defenseless in this state to even try to move out of the attack's trajectory.

"She'll be safer, this way. If she's blacked out at least she can sober up without doing any harm to herself or anyone else."

Orochimaru frowned,smiled,and frowned again,still relizing he was half-nude. "Kaketsu? You have any pants I can borrow. I don't feel comfortable just in a towel. He shuddered.

"Oh, only pants?" Kaketsu teased, feeling as though he was losing his own mind. "Do you mean to half-torture me?" He pointed to a drawer. "There. Make your pick. I don't care which ones you wear."

Silly snake. He was completely oblivious to the half-hearted advances and hints of feeling Kaketsu dropped. "Uh...yeah...Half-torture?" He didn't get it one bit,but,he shrugged it off as he gracefully walked over to the drawer and pulled out a man-skirt. "What the-?" he thought to himself as he continued to dig. Finally,he found himself comfortable with a pair of black capris.

He loosened the towel from around his waist. "Mind turning around?"

Kaketsu laughed. "Fine. Sure. Whatever." Swinging himself around to face the door, he felt himself laugh inside. 'I'm such a nut. He'll think lowly of me for acting like I am. No doubt.'

It was silent for a moment,with the exception of a few grunts and groans. "Damnit. Kaketsu. Assist me here." Orochimaru demended,the pants half way on. 'Some legendary sannin I am...Damnit...I can't even pull on a pair of pants."

Kaketsu smiled. "It's a matter of how you look at things." He stepped back twice and turned to Orochimaru. "Putting on pants is different than assassination." With a sharp tug he attempted to help the pants on.

"Thank you." Orochimaru bowed,ignoring the heat-flashing against his face and the tingling sensation he felt all the sudden.

'What the fuck was that?' he thought to himself,shaking his head as though to clear out all the demons and strange thoughts that flashed through his head at the single touch from Kaketsu.

Kaketsu smiled. "Any time," he said, turning to his desk and taking a drink of water from a glass he had filled a few hours before. "Eh. You want anything, while you're here? As long as you're in here you'll be fine."

He pondered for a moment. There was many things he wanted at the moment. Orochimaru shook his head,this time hard enough to give himself whiplash. "Just some wine. And pudding. And Whipped cream." he added and added.

"..." Kaketsu mumbled for a moment, thinking. His head jerked to the side as he realized this man's intentions, laughing. "If you add any more I'm going to have to go out and buy something. But, sure, I guess." He stepped out of the room and closed the door, returning shortly with a glass of red wine in one hand and a can of whipped cream in the other. "The pudding went bad. Deal with it."

Orochimaru pouted and said in a teasing voice, "Awww...but I like pudding." 'What the hell has gotten into me..?' he thought as he placed his stuff at the cluttered table nearby and sat in a makeshift chair of pillows and wood.  
'He's cheaper then Kakazu...' he noted as he began to shoot the whipped cream into his mouth,getting most of it on his face.

Kaketsu tapped his shoulder as he moved up behind him. "Hey," he whispered, "You're not going insane. You're feeling just fine. And I know what happens next."

"Fuf feh wha?" Orochimaru said,muffled,because his mouth was filled with whipped cream. Every hair on the back of his neck stood on end as chills went up his spine. His face grew hot. 'I am going insane...' he thought to himself as he tried to swollow the cream.

Kaketsu wrapped his arm loosely around Orochimaru's neck. "Come on, your feelings are nothing to become frightened over." He was quiet for a moment. "All those years, though, you didn't show emotion. Why don't you try to calm down?"

"Y-yeah..." he stammered,unsure of what the hell was going on inside of his head at the moment. It was all a fucking mess. Orochimaru's emotions were splayed out on the table,practically. He began to laugh nervously. "I-i suppose..."

Kaketsu forced Orochimaru's head to turn. "In fact, you're going to, or I'll have to make you..." He blinked, looking right into his elder's eyes. "And you know that I'm more than capable of doing so." He smirked. "Which way will you go?"

The smirk made his blood run cold and now his heart was beating at a deadly rate. Still trying to keep his dignity and what ever ounce of self-control he had left,he smirked back and licked his own lips with his ridcoulously long tounge. "Oh really? Try me." he dared. Big mistake.

"Oh, well, then...it's your wish." With his eyes dancing around violently he kissed Orochimaru, only so gentle as to not completely cut off his breathing. He was absolutely capable of breathing; he just had to try hard enough against the boy. And, through it all he could feel himself LAUGHING. Laughing at his own advances, and his own dominance. What a psychopath.

'What the fuck!?' Orochimaru thought. Everything suddenly became slow and acrid,causing his heart to practically explode. The hebi's self-control snapped and he wrapped his arms around Kaketsu. Pulling him in,he forced his tongue into his mouth. Minty...that taste.. It made him want more.

Kaketsu narrowed his eyes, letting his mind take over. 'I'm not going to lose to you. I want your respect.' His thoughts drained out of his head as he fought harder, pressing back against the tongue. The odds were one to one thousand; Orochimaru had the advantage.

'Silly boy.' He was on fire now. The first need had been fullfilled,but now,he wanted something more. Slowly, Orochimaru pulled away,still close enough for their breaths to mingle. He was panting heavily,with lust and with exhaustion. In a slow,torturing fashion,he moved to his mouth to Kaketsu's neck and began to nibble on it,hungerly.

"Orochimaru,where-" Sakura appeared in the room. Her eyes grew wide and she instantly scurried back into the bedroom,scared of what she saw.

Meanwhile  
Hidan was getting closer. He could feel it.  
While xD

Kaketsu's eyes turned to the window. "He's coming...but..." Wrapping his arms around Orochimaru, he forced himself to forget. 'Enjoy what you can get.'

"Who's coming?" came Orochimaru's muffled reply from against Kaketsu's cold,soft neck. It didn't really concern him. After all,no one could get in through Kaketsu's brilliant defense system. Especially the gangster-stylist.

Outside  
"'Dis is some bullshit. Imma get mah new Jordan's wet!" Hidan complained as he looked at the land that stood between the white-haired pain-fetishest and the house where Sakura was held. Mud.Every gangster's worst enemy. Especially the one's who look fly.

Hidan groaned inwardly and took off his jordans. "They better not get jack'd." And with all the speed he could muster under the chains he wore around his neck,he ran threw the muddy lawn of landmines,sinkholes and flying sharks.

"Easy e'nuff." Hidan laughed and kicked down the door. "BITCHESSSSS!" He laughed manically.

An exasperated sigh followed the intrusion of Hidan. "You...why do you insist on bothering us? Do you hold a grudge?" He put up a hand, waving it past Hidan. "Can't a man get what he desires without an unwanted intrusion? Why is it that a gangster always ruins my fun? I don't know. Just...get out of my house."

Hidan gasped. "What the fuck? YALL NIGGAS IS GAY?" his jaw dropped. Random Asian guy: WHAT A TWIST!!  
He coughed and straightened himself up. "I'll be on mah way as soon as I claim Sakura." And he was gone into the bedroom,leaving just Kaketsu and Orochimaru.

"Now..." Orochimaru purred. "Where were we?"

End of Chapter one!

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No flaming,now. ;3 Review and you shall recieve more. 


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